Written by Libby Wilson- Mommy, Living with Stage IV Breast Cancer
Dear Violet –
Before I met you, I never loved someone with every morsel of my being. I never felt love so big it could make me cry. Ours is a love so strong I want to overcome everything in the world for you. I long so much for the future I imagined we’d have together but instead we’ve been dealt something really hard.
I try to protect you from hard. I try with every bit of strength left in this body to make sure you always, always, always feel safe. I know I do not always succeed in making you feel like a “normal’ kid.
I know sometimes you want that mom who can walk to the park. Who can bring you to explore cool ponds. Who can walk up mountains with you. I know you want a mom who can promise to always be with you, right here with you where a mom should be. And I know you want your mom’s long hair back so you can brush it.
Those are some of my plans, things I thought we would do. If only my health had given me a few more years, I know we would have started doing these things together. You would have seen a different side of mommy if she were well, and you and she were able to go on adventures. For now, sweet girl, we only have little adventures from my bed, or when we meet in our dreams. The one thing I promise is immutable, and unchangeable for all of eternity, and that is the love I feel for you. It’s as wide as the universe, as deep as a black hole and as tall as the tree in the sky.
I hope one day you can understand everything. Understand why mommy had to go to hospital and be sick too often. Understand why she couldn’t always take you where you wanted to go. Understand how never, in the whole history of the universe, has anyone loved someone more than I love you. Forever and always.