Happy Tuesday, Caregivers! I say this in all sincerity because as caregivers—it’s easy to find yourself actually dreading the weekends, right? You know what I’m talking about. You know that the demands of your “other job,” caring for your loved one, may in fact, be even more intense on Saturdays and Sundays.

Let’s face it, after working a long week outside of the home and coming back each night to care for your loved one is really demanding. You feel guilty because you know that you really need two days of rest yourself, but you frequently put that on hold because you have to go to the grocery store, cook, clean, pay bills, and do laundry for your loved one. If you’re lucky, you steal away a couple of hours to catch a movie or get a pedicure, but now, you find yourself feeling angry because it’s getting old?

Is this the dirty little secret that you’ve been carrying around?

RELAX! YOU ARE NOT ALONE. THIS IS NORMAL.

Yes, this is NORMAL! Depending on how long you’ve been caring for your loved may affect where you are in terms of dealing with it emotionally. In other words, how you feel about your role will probably change over time. Whether you’ve been a caregiver for five weeks, five months, or 25 years, (yes, 25 years!) your attitude can change. And with any luck (actually, it requires a lot of dedication and work itself!), your ability to adapt and enjoy some aspects of your life will improve. It’s supposed to I think—if you’re taking care of yourself.

I am at a place in my life where I can finally enjoy more of my weekend and not feel as guilty. Sure I have my bad days where the “guilt fairies” takeover. But because I have relied on a variety of tools for support over the years, I’ve got my head screwed on just right—for me anyway, and I’d like to share with you my personal words of wisdom:

Pictures-to-make-you-smile apart, here are some heartfelt suggestions that may just help you get through another moment.

1. Try to learn (if you really want to) about your loved one’s prognosis by talking to his or her doctor. I say this because learning to pace yourself and the care required in the long run can help you plan. Whether or not you share or discuss this information with your loved one is a delicate subject. You must determine what’s best for both of you.
2. Examine your financial situation. Do you absolutely NEED to work 9-6? Can you get by with a part-time job? Or is the care required so great that you feel you must stay home with your loved one? Make a list and look at the pros and cons of the demands and how much money, time, and care is required, and make a plan depending on medical timelines.
3.  Work your plan.Get back-up care for your loved one. As you work your plan, determine what other kind of care your loved one will need. Can you really do it all by yourself? No. You’ll need help from a friend, family member, a professional caregiver, or even hospice. You can’t do this all by yourself—nor should you.
4. Be mindful of the fact that as a caregiver, you will feel a variety of emotions that will change over time. These feelings might include: love, intense anxiety, incredibly deep sadness, raging anger, frustration, fear, and of course, guilt. You might even hear your inner voice telling you, “I’m done. I’ve had enough. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t handle the suffering anymore.” But the secret is to be aware of the feelings you are experiencing and that thoughts will enter and exit your mind sometimes at an alarming speed, every few seconds. That’s normal. It’s just your mind doing its thing. Just remember that because a thought enters your mind, you don’t have to “go there” or give into it. Acknowledge the thoughts if they are unwanted and then left them pass. Be mindful of whatever or wherever you are at that moment.
5. Join a caregiver support group. Sometimes there’s nothing like the voice of experience! You don’t have to tell your loved one that you’re doing it, either. This is just for you. I’ve done this and swear by it.
6. Spill your guts to a licensed therapist on a regular basis. I can’t recommend this highly enough. I’ve been there and I’m still doing that!
7. Accept help from friends—and accept invitations to go have some fun! Once or twice a week is best—including the weekends! Find a way to kick your heels up! Celebrate BIRTHDAY! Just letting yourself laugh and giggle with the girls or the boys or your YaYas does wonders for the soul.
8. Celebrate your birthday! Yes! Do it! I just did.
9. “Just say no.” Set limits and stick to them. Don’t run yourself ragged. Set boundaries. Remember: You don’t have to disclose everything that’s going on in your life to anyone you don’t want to confide in. This also holds true for making ME time if you need to be alone away from your home. It’s okay.
10. Go online and read about what other caregivers do. Recently, I read an interesting article for caregivers of people who suffer from chronic pain by Dr. Stephen F. Grinstead, from Quench the Fire which I thought was very insightful. He helps caregivers and loved ones to understand what it’s like to like to live with chronic pain. And I think he hits the nail on the head. In order to truly care for someone, it helps to know what THEY are dealing with, first. THEN you can help yourself. So true.

Enjoy your upcoming weekend (just three days away). I mean it!

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Did you find this helpful? Do you have any caregiving tips to help others in our community? Share them below and lend them strength!