It’s hard to relate. It’s hard to relate to people trying to relate. I always like to say, “Perspective is reality.” Now, you’re probably thinking, No, reality is reality. Yes, you are correct. But, as humans, it’s only what we perceive and HOW we perceive it that becomes OUR reality. You might say the concept of reality is pointless, because everyone lives in their own. But I should stop there…
Everybody has something—something that makes us different, whether it be an interest, an opinion, the way we look, etc. Some people want Clinton for President. Some people want Trump. Eh hem. Some people prefer the color green. There are those who like ice cream for dinner. Some people are “night owls.” Others fall asleep at 8:00 at night.
Some people fall asleep very often during the day, so much so that they are diagnosed with narcolepsy.
You may know someone with narcolepsy. You may not.
Whatever the case, if you don’t have narcolepsy, yourself, it’s inevitable that you can never fully understand it, just as I will never be able to understand why anyone would vote for Donald Trump.
Being able to sympathize/empathize can be extremely difficult for both parties involved.
But if you’re someone who has a friend or family member with narcolepsy, you have to try. Check out the tips below, inspired by Julie Flygare’s blog, Wide Awake and Dreaming, to make “relating” as seamless as possible. [Disclaimer: Certain bullets may or may not apply to relating with Trump supporters.]
- Research. Duh. Scour the internet for basic information on narcolepsy. Talk to your own doctor about it. Even better, ASK someone who’s living with it for quick facts or insight.
- If you make plans with your friend who has narcolepsy, don’t expect those plans to go accordingly. It can be frustrating, but try to remember they’re living with a disease that they have no control over. Instead of making assumptions and getting angry, take some time to understand, which leads us to our next point.
- Don’t let your emotions fester. If you’re feeling frustrated, confused, angry, or sad, talk about it with your friend suffering from narcolepsy. They may be able to give you some perspective.
- Practice active listening. It’s simple: when you’re actively listening, you’re not actively talking. Ask questions when you’re confused about something and when there’s a pause, say things like, “I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through [summarize what they told you].” By occasionally paraphrasing, you’re letting them know that you’re keeping up.
- Offer your help. Listening is one thing, but actually doing something for your friend with narcolepsy goes 20 extra miles. People with narcolepsy are used to being brushed off or misunderstood. Show them you know their struggle is real by offering assistance.
- Tell them “It’s okay” as often as possible. Narcolepsy is so much more than being sleepy all the time. People with narcolepsy oftentimes feel guilty for how much life they miss out on. Inside, they might be critiquing themselves on how often they have to nap, even when they desperately need it. By telling them there’s nothing wrong with napping, you’re reminding them that they’re normal and that they’re only doing what they need to take care of themselves.
- Positively reinforce. Everybody needs a little happy affirmation. Remind your friends with narcolepsy, like you would any other friend, how awesome they are! Encourage them to reach for their goals because in the end, they’re totally worth it.
What you SHOULDN’T say is…
- “Oh yeah, I’ve been there.”
- “I get sleepy all the time. I know what you mean.”
- “Things will turn out fine in the end. Stop worrying.”
- “I wish I could sleep as much as you do.”
- “If there’s anything I can do, let me know.” (How many times have you heard this from someone and known they don’t really mean it? Instead, ASK what you can to help so that your friend knows you really want to. You can keep their suggestions in your back pocket too, for when they may need support later on down the road.)
What you SHOULD say is…
- “I wish I knew more about narcolepsy. Tell me about some of the symptoms you have.”
- “How are your medications treating you?”
- “Just wanted to let you know how important you are to me!”
- “Let me know if you need a lap to nap on. [winky face]”
- Finally, if you don’t know what to say, sometimes it’s better to say just that. Don’t try to fake support.
Just know, if you have a friend with narcolepsy, that means they trust you enough to let you into their life. Don’t take that for granted.
They don’t expect you to put your own life on hold for them, but by calling yourself a “friend,” you’re signing up for the responsibilities of that title. Be a supportive member of their close group of friends. And if you aren’t comfortable doing that, be honest about it. Dropping off the face of the Earth is never for the best.
