The CDC reports that approximately 17% of parents in the U.S. have a disabled child. These parents not only cope with the stress that accompanies their attempts to provide stability, but they must tolerate the criticism of others for their style of parenting.

As reported in UC Berkeley’s Greater Good online magazine, Danielle Peters is a therapist specializing in parents of children who have disabilities. Some children have what is termed as invisible disabilities. ADHD or Autism are familiar examples. The parents and their parenting are often accused of being the cause of their child’s behavioral issues. These criticisms only add to an already stressful environment.

Two Types of Forgiveness

Professor Stanislawa Byra at the Maria Curie University in Lublin, Poland conducted a study of mothers and their reactions to criticism of their parenting. The report analyzed whether the criticism affected their wellbeing. The professor found that simply “letting go” of the criticism, which is the more difficult of the two paths to forgiveness, makes a difference as it offers a useful option for responding.

The Journal of Pediatric Nursing published a paper in 2024 on the subject authored by Professor Stanislawa Byra. The professor reported that when mothers forgave an offense where someone was hurtful in connection with her parenting or her child’s disability, those mothers had a higher degree of psychological wellbeing. The study involved 174 mothers and their children who were classified as disabled. The majority of the mothers were married. The study involved two classifications of forgiveness.

In general, forgiveness is termed as a conscious decision to release resentment and anger.
One type would involve forgiving an offense or forgiving in such a manner that the offended parent is able to strip away any uncomfortable feelings. Evidence-based questionnaires were used identifying each type of forgiveness that was related to a specific offense. Mothers who were able to forgive, or who had a lesser degree of negative emotion after incident, scored higher than the second group who had not forgiven.

Professor Byra studied the type of offenses that appeared easy to forgive. Criticism coming from friends who had valuable relationships with the mother were forgiven more often as well as forgiving a person who offered a sincere apology.

Self-Forgiveness

Although self-forgiveness is not set out in the study, Professor Byra states that it is an important issue.
Therapist Peters weighed in stating that self-forgiveness is important for anyone who blames themselves for their child’s genetic condition. They view themselves as imperfect parents.
Forgiveness should not happen under pressure. It is the mother’s choice to make when she is comfortable with it and is ready for it.

The aforementioned report mentions that peace will come when the child is accepted for what he or she is today. It does not matter who they may become or the life they might lead.