My name is Jessica Glaspie, and I have been living with HIV for over 15 years! A lot of people think that life and love with HIV is almost impossible to navigate. However, I am here to tell you that it isn’t!
I was first diagnosed at 22 years old while living in the Atlanta metropolitan area. I am from the Chicagoland area, therefore, living close to Atlanta was certainly a culture shock. The “Southern hospitality” or “southern charm” was very noticeable. It was almost foreign to me how nice people were, how they smile at you in passing, and how the younger children and young adults address older adults as “Sir”, “Maam”, or “Ms” or “Mister” followed by their first name. How did I get to Atlanta from Chicago?! Read on…this gets good!
Welcome to Atlanta
My Godparents were living close to Atlanta, and asked me to come babysit for a week back in 2008. They were going on vacation to Puerto-Rico and my God sister was not old enough to stay home alone. It was summer break from the college I was attending in Southern Illinois. I had never been to Atlanta before, so I said yes with no hesitation. At the time, I was in a long-term relationship with someone whom I affectionately call my “college sweetheart”. Let’s call him Alex. Back in 2008, I had 2 miscarriages back-to-back. I didn’t notice until years later that this is when my depression started (for many years, I chalked my depression up to my contracting HIV). Once I visited Atlanta for a week, I decided I actually wanted to stay the entire summer. I thought it would be good for me and Ales to have a break after experiencing the devastation of losing two babies.
I guess “out of sight, out of mind” is real because communication slowed significantly. I often wonder if he was grieving too and found comfort in someone who ended up being his long-time girlfriend. Who knows. However, the end of that relationship was even more devastating. Because of that, I didn’t want to go back to Illinois…ever. So, I didn’t. At least not for good… I went back to get my things to relocate to Atlanta for what I thought would be forever.
I Met Him at a Traffic Light
By January of 2009, I had met a few people from my job. We would often hang out outside of work and go to bars, lounges, clubs, etc. One night, I had just dropped my best friend off at her boyfriend’s house after a night out. I pull up to a red light in a gray Altima, music blasting. I look to my right and make eye contact with the driver next to me. I turned away. I looked at him a 2nd time, and he was motioning for me to roll my window down. I hesitated because I was fairly new to the area, AND it was about 2 or 3 a.m. In the same breath that I hesitated, I thought it would be a good idea to meet new people. However, was it a good idea to meet new people at a traffic light at 2 a.m.? Probably not. Anyhow, I roll my window down and he proceeds to say “Ay shawty, what’s ya name?”. I hesitate again. First of all, the delivery was wild. I didn’t like his approach at all. That made me want to give a fake name, but my subconscious was still like “meet new people”. He volunteered his name (let’s call him Darius) and then asked me for my number. Again, I hesitate. Mind you, the light seems to have been red this entire time! I feel like I kept checking for the light to be green so I could just pull off, but in those moments, it seemed to never turn green. I gave him my number and then “boom”, the light turned green! We both pulled off, and that was that.
Your Test Came Back Positive for HIV
Darius and I talked day in and day out. After a few months, we decided to be in a relationship. I had gotten into an altercation with the roommate I had at the time and had to see a doctor afterwards for swollen lymph nodes. I THOUGHT it resulted from the fight. Turns out they had probably been swollen for quite some time. I went to see my PCP (Primary Care Physician) to check out my lymph nodes, and he couldn’t explain why all of them had swollen. He referred me to an ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) doctor. ENT drew a bunch of blood from me and did some other standard tests. From what he could tell, he advised that it could be HIV or Lymphoma. I couldn’t believe it. He scheduled me for a biopsy of my lymph node and sent me on my way.
I went home and did a lot of research on both HIV and Lymphoma. I had no symptoms of either one. I had convinced myself that it wasn’t either one, and that maybe the doctor was mistaken. I went a week or so later for my Biopsy. As I sat on the hospital bed waiting for my surgery, the ENT doctor came and sat with me. He sat next to me and said “Your tests came back and there were some positives…”
I had tested positive for HIV.
I was devastated. Shattered really. How was I going to tell Darius? How was I going to tell ANYONE? I called my Mom first. Then, I called Darius. He was shocked. I told him to get tested and advised if he tests negative, I didn’t want to continue on in the relationship. He was hurt. He said he still wanted to be with me regardless of what his status was. He ended up getting tested and sure enough…he tested positive too.
He Knew
We carried on in a relationship. The relationship was on and off for a lot of reasons, but main ones being infidelity and abuse. I dealt with a lot because I felt stuck with this person. I was having a conversation with someone that knew him very well, and he accidentally disclosed to me that Darius was in fact BORN with HIV. I was so hurt. How could someone that loved me do this to me? I packed up myself and our daughter and moved back to Illinois. I can’t believe he knew he had HIV and never told me.
Back and Better Than Ever
I was so angry. I had to learn how to navigate life differently at just 22 years old. In hindsight, I wish I had done more. I wish I had asked for paperwork that showed he had ACTUALLY been tested instead of just believing him. I wish I had pressed charges.
However, there is no point in dwelling on the past! I moved back to Illinois and finished my Bachelor’s degree in 2015. Since my diagnosis, I have obtained 2 degrees. I had 3 children all HIV negative. I authored a memoir called “Life, Love and HIV: A Memoir” and I joined a sorority. I started advocating in 2015, and that has been the most rewarding experience. I didn’t let my diagnosis stop me from living the life I saw for myself. And you shouldn’t either…No matter your circumstance, fight through it. Lean on your support systems. Most importantly, though…come back better than ever! Do whatever it takes to keep you happy and healthy!
