How do you love a child you know will die young?

Patient Worthy Contributor

For Bubba 7/31/1997 – 7/22/2018

How do you love a child you know will die young?

You love recklessly, with abandon. You don’t mean to – but you can’t stop yourself.

Parents of terminally diagnosed children actually love harder, I think, because we know.

We know what’s coming.

We are blessed in a way, because we don’t feel compelled to ‘create’ them or ‘mold’ them into the best versions of themselves.

We know we don’t need to mold our children into adults.

So instead, we let them be.

There’s already so much they have to endure, we won’t heap criticism and veiled loving suggestions upon them.

When those factors are taken out of parenting, we are left with a wide-open space. One where we are free to give them unconditional love in its most pure form.

And we do.

We just love them.

And when a parent has that opportunity to just love their child, a beautiful thing happens.. that child naturally flourishes into something quite unique.

As parents of these remarkable kids, we so often hear that they are so innocent, so accepting of others, and of situations.

That they are pure, kind – almost angelic like.

I feel, in my heart, that our kids indeed do become these rare, remarkable people…

But they don’t become this way because of their diagnosis or disease..

I think, in part, at least, they become this way because of the pure way they are loved.

We, as their parents, give them the opportunity to flourish wild like, without pruning.

By giving love in its purest form, without hypocrisy, without the need to constantly nip or push, mold or direct, the soul inside that child flourishes (for however long their life may be).

And as that child’s true self begins to unfold, it’s like watching a rare, exotic wildflower unfurl its petals one at a time.

It’s better than magic.

It’s the reason why so many of us parents hear that our child draws people in, that they make others so happy, that they light a room by simply being in it.

Yes, having a child with a terminal diagnosis is absolutely as hard and painful as everyone assumes it is.

And yes, having a child with a terminal diagnosis is physically and psychologically exhausting.

But what so many people don’t know, is that in having a child you know will die young, we parents are given a precious gift.

We are allowed to love them full throttle.

And when we hold our children, we don’t have that voice in our heads asking if we are doing enough to shape them into better versions of themselves, to shape them into the best adult they can be.

The only voice we have in our heads is the one that constantly reminds us that their time with us is fleeting. So we hold them closer and love them even harder today, than we did yesterday.

Author: Stacey Harris Montgomery