To read Part 1 of Mari’s #NewYearNewYou post, click here.
Now, let’s focus on the New Year shall we. What do I want for 2016? That’s a loaded question! But, I’ll tell you this much… It has the simplest answer.
I want to be able to feel worthy again; to know that it’s ok not to be “Wonder Woman”. I want to be able to look at people, and not have to wear a “mask”. I want to love myself and who I’ve become. Accept the fact that I truly am a beautiful person, a phenomenal mother, and a gracious wife.
How will I accomplish this?
I have learned that I cannot do this on my own. Yes, ultimately it will come from inside of me but I have to be taught acceptance. In a world where there is so much stigma around anxiety and depression, I have now come to terms with the fact that my anxiety and depression are not my fault. I know that due to my health issues I’ve become “broken” so to speak.
I choose to take back what is rightfully mine: my HAPPINESS.
I’ve decided to seek guidance, counseling, and I’m hoping to be able to find a local support group where I can speak to other chronically ill patients face-to-face, rather than solely rely on social media and cyberspace. Please, don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love all my chronic illness siblings, and the huge out-pouring of support that I’ve had over the years.
But to be able to move forward and better myself, I must better my mind and find a way to mend the broken pieces.
I have to be true to myself and my family.
I have two beautiful daughters and a very supportive husband who deserve the best me I can give them. I no longer choose to just go through the motions and make-believe I’m okay when I’m not.
I must learn to communicate effectively and positively about whatever it is that has become an obstacle. I will set aside “me time”, a time to focus on something fun and enjoyable, rather than sit and stew in my thoughts. If you keep living your life like that, it will consume you, and that is one thing I’ve learned the hard way.
I will take the time to let my husband know that all of his time, effort and dedication to me and my health needs, do not go unnoticed. Although I constantly tell him, I strongly believe I must show him. The simplest of actions can make a world of difference. As for our two beautiful daughters, I always try to spend as much quality time with them as I can.
The problem is, when chronic illness is a factor, exhaustion takes control and life gets put on hold. I know that they understand. They have learned to grow up fast and have become more responsible than many kids their age. We sit and talk about their day, about silly stuff, and serious stuff.
I just want them to know, no matter what, I’m still their mom and will always be there for them.
So, I look at myself and ask,
“How are you going to do this? How are you going to accomplish all that you’ve set out to do? What guarantees your shot at a better me? The only thing standing the way of my New Years resolution is… me!
I plan to face this new year with hope, not just hype! I will not let my goals be empty promises to myself anymore. I deserve more than that.
I deserve to be happy and hopeful.
Even if I’m too sick or tired and in pain to move, get out of bed, or out of the house I will find something productive to occupy my time and make myself happy and get myself better equipped to deal with the anxiety and depression that comes with chronic illness. It’s time I take control of my happiness again. That’s my New Year’s Resolution, my NEW YEAR, NEW ME promise to myself.
About the Author: Mari is a new Patient Worthy Contributor. Keep an eye out for more posts by her and check out her facebook page here.
