Alaina Johns, a Philadelphia based freelance writer, wears two hats. One hat as editor-in-chief of the Broad Street Review, and the other as a patient with several chronic illnesses.
In her recent article for the Broad Street Review, Alaina explains that her symptoms may occur at any time and without warning. As if her illnesses and job were not enough, Alaina is painfully aware of the protests supporting Black Lives Matter and has a strong desire and conscience to support the movement. But her illnesses do not always cooperate.
Alaina says that she is forced to live within the boundaries of her illnesses. She describes this constraint as paralyzing. Yet she refuses to use it as an excuse to opt-out or cut back on her support of the BLM movement.
She looks at her disorders as a challenge rather than a liability in working in an anti-racist atmosphere.
The Second Week of Protests
In addition to her physical illnesses, Alaina has a mood disorder that has been heightened by the constant sounds of sirens, shouting, helicopters, and non-stop protest news.
Two weeks of protests against George Floyd’s killing took a tremendous toll on Alaina. She describes her depression as fog, sadness, and suicidality. One day she is able to join in a protest and another day she may not even be able to sit up.
Dealing with the Challenges
Alaina had to give a great deal of thought to alternate measures that she could take. She so desperately wanted to take part in the rallies, protests, and visible segments of the justice movement. She had to find other ways to participate in what she saw as a country literally on fire.
She acknowledges the obstacles for herself and others in her situation as not being able to stand for long times, having a medical condition that requires accessible bathrooms, and mostly the dangers created by the pandemic and being in crowds.
Many people have a disorder that causes distress and anxiety if they are in large crowds. Alaina adds herself to the list with her debilitating mood cycles that are brought on by conflict, overexertion, and violence.
People who are restricted by anxiety may be averse to demanding arrests or confronting members of their families who take an opposing view on racism. But Alaina decided she will not allow these challenges to prevent her from getting involved.
Resilience on All Fronts
Mood disorders come in many sizes. Confusion, discomfort, and emotional and mental bruising. Each day takes a great deal of coping skills. But Alaina found that coping with these setbacks creates skills that can be applied to other situations in life.
She refers to herself as benefiting from white privilege. Alaina describes feelings and actions that are difficult for most white people to imagine even if they are well-meaning about ending racism.
She firmly believes that in order to move forward and change the racism landscape people must be truly uncomfortable with it.
Alaina hopes to encourage others in her position to take a positive attitude. Her advice is not to tell themselves that they do not have the courage to take action. Instead, they should use what they have already learned as an extra source of strength for anti-racist action.
A Personal Challenge
Alaina compares chronic illness, which she says is a personal challenge, to experiencing racism. Her commitment to the BLM movement is based on her belief that even in illness, Black people are discriminated against.
In her article, she appeals to white people to understand that there will be extra challenges but suggests focusing on how to participate and find the power within. To commit to keeping healthy and transfer the self-care habits to justice for others.
The End is Not Near
Alaina points out that we should not expect the BLM movement to end this summer. She believes progress depends on people staying committed. That work in the future will be quieter and without the physical protests.
And who, she asks, will take actions in their daily lives without expecting a reward? She hopes the disabled community can take part.
