Thinking about the year-end holidays brings up a kaleidoscope of images, and an array of emotions for me. And everyone else too, I imagine.
There are the vivid memories of holidays past. Picking out the perfect Christmas tree, hauling shiny ornaments and tinsel from the attic, wrapping gifts of all shapes and sizes, listening to sing-along Christmas Carols, watching snowflakes become soft blankets and then big bulky cloaks. The excitement of counting down to Christmas Day, when the One and Only Santa brought gifts to every child across the globe! It was a most wonderful and magical time.
As I got older, Christmas slowly became a different experience. The wonder of it all has slowly been complicated by more hurry, worry, and sensory overload. Blaring Christmas music, oversized decorations, and overstocked racks of merchandise are appearing earlier and earlier each year (this year it started before Halloween!). Black Friday, Cyber Monday, a flood of slick TV ads, and an onslaught of catalogs/emails, all make the holidays seem more like a time to be armored, than a time to be enchanted.
My view of Christmas has also been altered by a personal struggle that does not recognize holidays. I live with a painful and on-going illness, which makes it hard for me to move around much. While I imagine jumping in my car, driving around town, going to a party, a movie, or even going out for a meal, I quickly realize that these things are not now doable. And my heart feels heavy. Other unpleasant emotions pop up at times, and I try to listen and understand, without reacting.
So I have a dilemma! The Big Holiday is coming, and I’m not able to participate in the ways I want. So what are my choices? Do I push myself to go out and do things that I “want” to do, but which will only further stress my body and cause more pain? Do I try to bring Christmas to me? Do I try to ignore it? At a minimum, I will continue to find small ways each day to do things that lift my spirits – putting out another small Christmas decoration, making goody gift bags for my neighbors, watching a Christmas show, sending out holiday cards, writing about my favorite Christmas memory… I’m sure some days will be better than others.
I hope that everyone out there with a chronic illness will find some way to find moments of Peace and Joy! I wish this for you!
About the Author: Karen has worked as a Physician Assistant, and an Internal Auditor, but is currently sidelined by cervical dystonia and major depressive disorder. Once an active outdoor enthusiast and avid traveler, she currently enjoys photography, watercolor painting, interior design, and creative writing. She has tried multiple forms of treatment for her disorders,including both Western and Eastern methods. She continues to research various options for pain relief, improved mobility, and acceptance.
